Vanekisms.

Now that Vanek has a kid and a wife, he's suddenly turned into a wholesome father. And with that, I'm sure he has spread the 'joy' with his teammates through a lot of ways that annoy the hell out of them (or as I call it, Vanekisms). What are the things he says? Well, I'm the kind of person that can guess exactly what he'd say. Maybe it's because we share a neighborhood.

"Don't forget to wash behind your ears, Royzie."
"Tommy, I know how to shower...."
"I know, but everyone forgets to wash behind their ears...."

"You know, most children learn to speak by age one or two; have you ever thought about seeing a professional?"
".... -swears in Russian-"

"What do you say?"
"Tom, just give me my god damned jersey."
-singsong- "Not until you say the magic word, Petey."

"You know, veggies are an important part of your diet. Just because you think all you should be eating is bread crumbs-"
"HONK, HONK."
"Don't you take that tone of voice with me, mister! That's a time out for you!"

"Tom, I know that you're getting into this whole father thing, but was it really necessary to force Clarkie and Drewsie to draw pictures to hang around the locker room?"
"You know, children respond well to encouragement. You should have seen how happy they were when I hung their pictures."

"Teppo, did you ask if you could take the puck from that guy?"
"Vanek, we're playing hockey! You don't ask to take the puck from someone!"

"Tom, I think you're going a little too far-"
"I don't like that tone of voice. Just because you're captain doesn't mean you can misbehave! That's two minutes in the naughty chair."
"What?! I-"
"TWO MINUTES!"
"But-"
"Now, mister or I'll make it four!"
-sighs and sits in small chair-
"Now think about what you've done."

"Now Ryan, do you know who that is?"
"Uh, Tommy, that's Goose."
"VERY GOOD! You figured it out alllll by yourself. Now, can you tell me what color this is? Take your time, little guy."
"...."

"Spacey, you played so well tonight, you get a gold star!"
"Van, we're grown men. We don't want-"
"Oooh, oooh, can I have one Tommy? Pleaseeee? I even said the magic word!"
"Very good, Pommerdoodles. You get two gold stars!"
"Yayyy!"

"You know Timmy, they say that going to bed early helps you heal faster..."
"So?"
"Well, I decided to move your curfew from 9:00 to 8:30."
"What? But Goose gets to stay up until 9:30 and he's healing too!"
"Yeah, but you never seem to heal properly. That extra hour of sleep will do you good."
"This is so NOT fair."
"Aww, come on. Turn that frown upside down, mister!"

"You know, young minds are very impressionable. So, I've decided that no one is allowed to say any naughty words in the locker room any more."
"What? Vanek, you do know we're not babies."
"Don't give me attitude, mister. I heard Pommers say some awful things the other day. He needs his cute innocence, that and a cool name is all he has!"
"Well, you have a point...."

"Danny, I'm very disappointed in you."
"Oh come on, Vanek, I didn't do anything!"
"Don't lie to me, young man, I saw you take the new toy truck I gave to Sekera!"
"I didn't-"
-glares menacingly-
"Okay, but it's not fair! I wanted a red truck but all I got was an easy bake oven!"
"Don't be greedy, Danny. Now go apologize to Sekera and maybe he'll let you play with him."

"You know, I always say that you have to discipline kids properly. You could really learn from that, Lindy."
"Get back to the game, Vanek."

"Stop right there, young man! You completely high sticked innocent little Toni over there! You go apologize to him and then two minutes in time out!"
"Excuse me, but I think giving out penalties is my job." (ref)

Kaleta, stop right there."
"What is it now, Vanek?"
"Did you really think I wouldn't notice?"
"I didn't do anything!"
"I told you that you weren't allowed to have any sweets for the rest of the week. Now what's that Take 5 doing in your hand?"
"Uh... I'm taking it for a walk?"

"Koda, I heard from Nathan that you wouldn't share your toys..."
"I can't believe him; he's such a tattletale!"
"You have to be nicer to the younger players, Koda. Back in my day...."

Vanek: "Stop that right now, misters!"
Random fighting guy: "Um, excuse me?"
Vanek: "Fighting is not the answer! Now Kaleta, let go of him right now or you can't watch TV for a week."
Random fighting guy: "What's going on?!"
Kaleta: "I'm sorry, Vanek. But it wasn't my fault, he said that my mom-"
Vanek: "That's enough, Patrick. Now, go take a time out in the naughty chair and think about what you've done."
Random fighting guy: "Seriously, what is this?"