Twilight- because I'm that cool.

So as you may or may not know, I'm like obsessed with Twilight series. It comes right after McFly and the Sabres, which are currently tied (that may change since hockey season's starting!). Anyways, I wrote a little story about what should have happened, totally making fun of the book. Being the kind and generous person I am, I thought I'd share it- haha. Enjoy, and remember I really did like the book overall!

Edward was all sparkly and stuff and was totally distracting Bella with the rainbow-sparklyness and super marble-statue handsomeness. And then James came and ate her, which caused Edward to explode. The whole world cheered and James was declared a hero. So Jacob threw a huge party and everyone was invited except Mike because he's an idiot. And then Quil totally imprinted on a baby, like omg. So he was shunned by everyone and kicked out of the party. He promptly got ran over by a bus and then Paul ate the bus. Which made Jared mad because he wanted some too. But Alice told him another bus was coming, only Jared got hit by it. Which made Kim cry and then Jasper accidentally ate her 'cause he was hungry. Then Alice totally dumped him so he ran away and was never seen again. And Jazzy-Jazz-Jazz is such an important person, that without him the world imploded. The end.

And I've got some bonus material for you, making fun of specific scenes. Breaking Dawn warning.

"Don't go Bella."
"But I hate walking in on you and my new step daddy making out. He's like five years older than me- it's gross!"
"Oh, well, okay then. Tell Charlie hi, even though he really should hate me for breaking his heart and divorcing him!"
"Okay, love you mom."

"You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?"
"Well, at least it's better than Renesmee. I mean really, did you think you were being creative? Next time, let your leech name the kid, Bells."

The reason why so many guys like Bella....
"Hey, Mike,"
"Yeah Tyler?"
"Eric and I heard from Jessica that the new Bella girl won't go out with /any/ guy."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah, Mike. Tyler's telling the truth."
"So you don't think she'd even go out with me?"
"No way, Mike. If she'd go out with anyone, it'd be me."
"In your dreams, Eric."
"How about a bet then? Whichever of us gets Bella to go out on a real date- just the two of them and she has to know it's a date- wins $50 from each of the two losers."
"You're on, Mike."
"Yeah, but add to the rules that she has to willingly kiss you."
"Okay, you're on, Eric."
"Deal."

Post-Breaking Dawn...
"OH MY GOD, MOM. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KISSED JACOB!"
"Who told you about that, Nessie?!"
"Wait, you really did? I was just joking...."
"Oh..."
"OH MY GOD, HOW COULD YOU KISS MY IMPRINT? THAT'S DISGUSTING! I'M KISSING A GUY MY MOM KISSED!"
And that was the end of Jacob and Nessie....

"So, if Ness and Jake have a kid, what would it be? One-fourth vampire, one-forth wolf, and one-half human? Wow, I'm glad I imprinted on a human."
"Yeah, a three-year-old."
"HEY, SHE'LL BE FOUR IN AUGUST!"