words to the wise

1. The Persons family cannot, under any circumstances, successfully throw a surprise party.

2. Playing air hockey/ping pong/any game whatsoever with little kids can be very difficult.

3. Kids fight. Over nothing.

4. They're also very hypocritical.

5. Even sweet little boys can be tough and violent. Apparently it's in their genes.

6. Getting little kids dressed is not easy.

7. Balloons are magic until about third grade, according to Katie. I say seventh grade.

8. Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz is a name.

9. Catering services suck.

10. Though the adults can't find time to watch their kids, they can find the time to systematically go downstairs and steal all the plates with food. Um, hello; I wanted that delicious chocolate brownie.

11. Little kids don't understand that lit candles are dangerous.

12. Adults don't understand that you need to hold your kid so they don't try to stick their fingers in the cake while someone is lighting candles.

13. It's not really fun to be hit repetitively with a balloon. In the face. By a two-year-old.

14. Drinking coke when the only available drinks for cooler people (like me) are sprite, diet coke (disgusting), water, and alcohol isn't very nice.

15. In the Persons family, it's quite possible that you could get away with grabbing a beer while underage.

16. Kiwis are an interesting fruit.

17. I'm under the impression that all cousins younger than five don't know my name.

18. Don't drink the punch. Just don't.

19. Bananas can be in fruit salads. Just make sure you cut them up first.

20. It's perfectly okay to not recognize relatives. They don't recognize you either; they just pretend they do to make you feel good. (The proper thing to do is the pretend along as well.)